Being hardpressed for time yesterday, I had to stop with just one part of the intended entire post.
in continuation with yesterday's discourse ;)!
#2 Think twice, thrice, actually a dozen times before thou speakest:
Sensitive Issues?! Beware. You might be wanting to clarify something. Anything. Give it time. I have seen myself turn from a 'gotta clear this RIGHT NOW' to someone who thinks about it, prays about it. It takes a second to say something and a lifetime to face and bear the consequences. The unwritten message here is that if there is something that rewuires clarification, it better be done. We dont want a repeat of the Panchathanthra tale, where the tiny vine grew into humongous creeper around the tree and all the birds living in the tree (and didnt pay enough attention to the vine) are taken prey by the hunter.
Its best to talk things out. Voice your fears and your opinions. But use your discretion. Its important to say 'the right thing' at 'the right time'. A relationship formed out love and trust and reinforced by transperancy will go a long way. But hey! Even glass doors have locks.
Give extra thought.
#3 Err..mm...cough cough..ahem..I love you:
There would be a million things that might be on your mind regarding the relationship, but I believe that what makes a man and woman come together, stick together and emerge victorious from those battles is love. Love.
What were you before you met? Strangers, most likely. Then how now, it seems like you could have all the joys in the world, yet it would fall short of the happiness that just being there and holding his hands brings?
Remember Toni Morrison's "Love is or it aint. Thin love is no love at all." I so believe in that. This is because, when we love, completely, we give the other person power. Power to make us or destroy us. Putting the right foot over the barbed wire limit, taking a deep breath and crossing territory over requires faith and trust that can move mountains. When you have taken so much pain, its only fair that the purpose be served.
"I love you"
These words could (and do) mean the world to that special person. Anything can happen, nothing needs to happen for you to say these words. Ok, now if you aren't the 'very' verbal time, I understand. I really do. That hug, that kiss, that caress could make all the difference. Love surpasses expensive gifts and things-you-got-to-do-to-score-points. This is Love, remember?! Simply express it.
Three roses. Beautiful.
Am working on some more insights offline, hope to get them up online soon!
So long!
me!
Monday, August 28, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Relationship. The dos and the donts as I see them- Ego.
My last post was met with a lot of salt and sugar! Some found it quite interesting, while some thought it was a very diplomatic post, said the right things, in the right tone. Thats it. Well, I have been thinking a lot over the past few days and have decided to post some more What They Wants. This time, am not limiting myself to women, but am taking into consideration, any couple. Genuine love is a pre condition to the success of what's listed here!
Making a relationship work needs some basic charecterisitics and the lack of some. I have derived lessons from my life, firmly believing that 'if I dont make mistakes, how will I learn?' Some of the thoughts are experiences, while some are observations from my most reliable source of ideas - people!
#1. Ego, go go:
I've heard this from everyone. Mom, dad, aunties, uncles, married cousins, committed friends and some of my own wisdom (size varies from peanuts to pumpkins!)! Where there is love, ego has to leave.
If your ego shows its ugly head in your relationship, be on red alert. There one of two things that just must be done;
* Kill the beast
* Get ready for turbulence and consequential good bye
For those who are like me, the kill-the-beast-types, stick on.
I have learnt that things are never what they seem.A seemingly threatening email is just that 'seemingly' threatening. A hurting conversation is probably not all that bad. The key lies in reviewing. I do that. Give the concerned peice of writing or speech profound thought. What I perceieve the first time is almost never the same when I review. Haste makes waste. Believe me. Take time to get out of a seething mindset. An 'excuuuuussseeee me??????' frame of mind.
Love is deep, its worth biting that nasty retort.
More in next. So long!
me!
Making a relationship work needs some basic charecterisitics and the lack of some. I have derived lessons from my life, firmly believing that 'if I dont make mistakes, how will I learn?' Some of the thoughts are experiences, while some are observations from my most reliable source of ideas - people!
#1. Ego, go go:
I've heard this from everyone. Mom, dad, aunties, uncles, married cousins, committed friends and some of my own wisdom (size varies from peanuts to pumpkins!)! Where there is love, ego has to leave.
If your ego shows its ugly head in your relationship, be on red alert. There one of two things that just must be done;
* Kill the beast
* Get ready for turbulence and consequential good bye
For those who are like me, the kill-the-beast-types, stick on.
I have learnt that things are never what they seem.A seemingly threatening email is just that 'seemingly' threatening. A hurting conversation is probably not all that bad. The key lies in reviewing. I do that. Give the concerned peice of writing or speech profound thought. What I perceieve the first time is almost never the same when I review. Haste makes waste. Believe me. Take time to get out of a seething mindset. An 'excuuuuussseeee me??????' frame of mind.
Love is deep, its worth biting that nasty retort.
More in next. So long!
me!
Thursday, August 03, 2006
What girls expect??
There really are too many questions out there that leave us stumped and bgllleerruubbiinhiing for answers. When my colleague friend, recently, out of sheer desperation, asked me while we were discussing 'relationships'... "Ashika, what do girls expect????????".. for once, quite surprisingly, I went 'virtually' quiet on the IM. Infact, I was in a complex thinking process and I could feel those folds of my brain squirm and groan in pain. Lack of practice, I assume.
When a little more than 5 minutes had passed, my fateful friend's "..errr, U are a girl, aren't you..." sparked me into thinking...what do I expect from my partner? What do girls expect from people they are in a relationship with? And thats when I started my - Project Endless Quests!! The response to my queries -> wonderful! The looking-forward-to-your-posting comments-> remarkable!
So, with the Quest in mind and armed with a network of some really intelligent and expressive women, I began the process of putting forth the question to all of them. The answers I got were quite...err...varied! "Jobless creature", "Is this what you get paid for?!", "@#$#@$%$#%$#%" were accompanied with some really interesting insights and pointers. So, I have tried, to the best of my skills, to consolidate the plethora of womanly wisdom and introspection of "what girls expect". Arranged in the order of popularity among the pillars of life and the hands that rock the cradle and rule the world (couldn't resist that! But am not entirely wrong either ;))
1. Unconditional love
Yes, cliched, heard-it-a-thousand-times, so obvious...'unconditional love'. Girls expect you to love them just the way they are..just the way they love you. Really, there is no point in elaborating, because if you love someone, you would understand this anyways. Being aware of her shortcomings and her coming-short-of-killing-you habits, yet, accepting them and knowing that life is long and there is a lot of avenues for her to change or for you to simply (sigh!) get used to them...its as simple as that. Because, believe me, when a girl loves you truly...she'll even kiss your bald patch and won't even notice that paunch you've been wanting to turn into a six pack for quite a few years now!
2. Respect
It is quite a 'but, obvious' expectation, but hey! Thats what the ladies told me (!) and yes, I personally feel too (KK, yes, its official...I am a girl!). Aaah..Respect..the one word that can rid the world of all evil and malice. Respect, for a woman (actually for anyone else) does not end with 'pleases'and 'thank you's', respecting her feelings, her likes, her dislikes...respecting her enough to be honest with her..respecting her beliefs, her principles. Its all about treating her the way you would want her to treat you. With respect.
3. Be yourself
Not everyone is 'king of comedy' or 'action star' and we know it! Sit for a moment and think...what is it that you are, the real you..just be that, please. Girls expect you to be yourself. When a girl truly loves you, she wants to get beneath that composed demeanor and know what you really are made of and accept you just that way. Imagine being the coolest kid on the block all the time when she is around, and what a rude shock it would be for the poor sould when she realises that you throw tantrums and break the vases at home. Be yourself. Wouldn't you rather have a woman love you with all your shortcomings?? And anyways, thats what she expects too.
4. Learn an instrument, draw,paint, do something
The guitar, the mouth organ, the keyboard, the clarinet, the trumpet, the saxophone,sketch, paint, carpentry...just something Learn to play a song (London bridge is falling down, in any mood, is alright!), draw a few masterpieces (they will be master pieces for her anyways!), write a poem...its not about entertaining her and being her 'colour tv', its more about the ability to be in touch with your artistic side. Girls expect that. Have a special interest. Oh yeah, making her something special out of that special interest....helps big time!
5. Own mind and own tongue
Girls appreciate men who can speak their mind ... AT THE RIGHT TIME. She has just been unnecessarily rude to the waiter, and this is not the first time. Your mind says, "that was mean..thats not usually like her" but then, if you tell her that now, you might end up in a soup yourself. Tell her. Maybe in a while, in a day..but tell her. She'll be enraged at first (quite a dangerous sight) but if she is a mature girl and understands you, she'll see the point. Have the guts to open up and speak. For if she loves you, your opinion would matter.
Yeaap! They expect it! oopss...'we' expect it!!
6.Guts
Stand up for the underdog. Be kind to older people and women. Do not, DO NOT abuse while driving. Takes guts to do all this, especially when there is a woman beside you, your probably, subconsciously trying to impress. Its all about the 3 Rs;
When a little more than 5 minutes had passed, my fateful friend's "..errr, U are a girl, aren't you..." sparked me into thinking...what do I expect from my partner? What do girls expect from people they are in a relationship with? And thats when I started my - Project Endless Quests!! The response to my queries -> wonderful! The looking-forward-to-your-posting comments-> remarkable!
So, with the Quest in mind and armed with a network of some really intelligent and expressive women, I began the process of putting forth the question to all of them. The answers I got were quite...err...varied! "Jobless creature", "Is this what you get paid for?!", "@#$#@$%$#%$#%" were accompanied with some really interesting insights and pointers. So, I have tried, to the best of my skills, to consolidate the plethora of womanly wisdom and introspection of "what girls expect". Arranged in the order of popularity among the pillars of life and the hands that rock the cradle and rule the world (couldn't resist that! But am not entirely wrong either ;))
1. Unconditional love
Yes, cliched, heard-it-a-thousand-times, so obvious...'unconditional love'. Girls expect you to love them just the way they are..just the way they love you. Really, there is no point in elaborating, because if you love someone, you would understand this anyways. Being aware of her shortcomings and her coming-short-of-killing-you habits, yet, accepting them and knowing that life is long and there is a lot of avenues for her to change or for you to simply (sigh!) get used to them...its as simple as that. Because, believe me, when a girl loves you truly...she'll even kiss your bald patch and won't even notice that paunch you've been wanting to turn into a six pack for quite a few years now!
2. Respect
It is quite a 'but, obvious' expectation, but hey! Thats what the ladies told me (!) and yes, I personally feel too (KK, yes, its official...I am a girl!). Aaah..Respect..the one word that can rid the world of all evil and malice. Respect, for a woman (actually for anyone else) does not end with 'pleases'and 'thank you's', respecting her feelings, her likes, her dislikes...respecting her enough to be honest with her..respecting her beliefs, her principles. Its all about treating her the way you would want her to treat you. With respect.
3. Be yourself
Not everyone is 'king of comedy' or 'action star' and we know it! Sit for a moment and think...what is it that you are, the real you..just be that, please. Girls expect you to be yourself. When a girl truly loves you, she wants to get beneath that composed demeanor and know what you really are made of and accept you just that way. Imagine being the coolest kid on the block all the time when she is around, and what a rude shock it would be for the poor sould when she realises that you throw tantrums and break the vases at home. Be yourself. Wouldn't you rather have a woman love you with all your shortcomings?? And anyways, thats what she expects too.
4. Learn an instrument, draw,paint, do something
The guitar, the mouth organ, the keyboard, the clarinet, the trumpet, the saxophone,sketch, paint, carpentry...just something Learn to play a song (London bridge is falling down, in any mood, is alright!), draw a few masterpieces (they will be master pieces for her anyways!), write a poem...its not about entertaining her and being her 'colour tv', its more about the ability to be in touch with your artistic side. Girls expect that. Have a special interest. Oh yeah, making her something special out of that special interest....helps big time!
5. Own mind and own tongue
Girls appreciate men who can speak their mind ... AT THE RIGHT TIME. She has just been unnecessarily rude to the waiter, and this is not the first time. Your mind says, "that was mean..thats not usually like her" but then, if you tell her that now, you might end up in a soup yourself. Tell her. Maybe in a while, in a day..but tell her. She'll be enraged at first (quite a dangerous sight) but if she is a mature girl and understands you, she'll see the point. Have the guts to open up and speak. For if she loves you, your opinion would matter.
Yeaap! They expect it! oopss...'we' expect it!!
6.Guts
Stand up for the underdog. Be kind to older people and women. Do not, DO NOT abuse while driving. Takes guts to do all this, especially when there is a woman beside you, your probably, subconsciously trying to impress. Its all about the 3 Rs;
- Respect for self
- Respect for others
- Responsibility for all your actions
Go, muster up those guts. She'll respect you more. And yes, she expects this from you too.
Phew! Its been quite a few days of balancing presentations, reports , a runny nose and hoards and hoards of times of save as drafts! But at last, I have done it! Tried to lessen the burden of my fellow beings (read: male species)! I know that this is not really an exhaustive list, will try to add in more as and when they come!
Till then! Go go go! Get your acts together! You know what girls expect now!!
So long!
Ash
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