Is it o.k to pretend to be happy when you really aren't? Is it right to hide your true feelings from someone you love? Is it prudent to turn your face away from what's gnawing you inside and tearing your heart apart, instead of facing it and confronting it with its perpetrator?
I wish I knew the answer to these. I am searching desperately, trying hard. Because, if I pretend to be happy when I really am not and if its to someone I love, am I not, in a sense, deceiving that person? If I am hiding my feelings and not facing my fears and not confronting the root cause, am I not being a coward?
Growing up simply adds questions on top of questions. Most of them don't get answered right away, and when they do, after ages, they get lost in that mess of questions on questions on questions. Its now clear to me, why poets and writers glorify the lost world of childhood. When the most trying thing is to peel an orange or catch a butterfly. Where questions are not introspective and mind boggling, but simple and liberating. Why is the sky blue? Why doesn't it hurt when I get my hair cut? How can we speak to someone on a telephone?
I am an adult and I have those stacked up, pancake questions too. Some of them, I wish I had never had the curiosity to question myself. Some of them, though I know are painful, requiring courage to ask, are the only way of freeing the tangles in my mind.
But the question is - do I have the courage?
